I have something to share with you. Around five years ago, I had reached the utter low point of my psyche. My original dreams were starting to fall apart and my brain kept scrambling to stay afloat by trying to figure out what else I could do. Not only that, the prospect of having to be an adult, albeit an autistic one, frightened me. I mean, what if I spend my whole life trying to achieve something only to leave barely a dent on the world? Sure I'd have people who love me and care about me but my life, my contribution and my legacy won't do much for the rest of the world. So it was thoughts of growing up and angst compounded with alienation, fear and a sense of worthlessness. It almost destroyed me.
Though the worst of it has happened all those years ago, those thoughts do come up to haunt me on occasion. Recently they came back with some renewed vigor after I lost my librarian job to the recession a month ago. Although I've been working hard to remedy the situation, it left a huge void leaving me stagnant and mentally frustrated. What was I to do?
Thankfully, I remembered what I truly cared about that gave me the incentive to take a job in the first place... to fund my real life. Which has always been devoted to art; even before I even understood the concept. I love talking about it and exploring the infinite realms of what art can and will become. Even if I don't absorb as many things as people who have more mental stamina than I do, that doesn't mean that I care about art that I love any less. In fact, I feel it makes me appreciate the things I love even more.
I may not be the best writer in the world or the best video artist in the world but I love expressing my thoughts. I love music, I love anime, I love movies and I love books (when I read them on my own time). Nothing will change that and my thoughts will always overflow out of my head. So I hope to write more frequently on this blog in the near future and maybe, just maybe, I'll make my mark on the universe yet!